I was diagnosed with Fibro several years ago. I was finding myself coming home from work in intense pain, unable to handle water pressure from the shower head hitting my skin. The feeling of pressure on my body when I laid in bed. Being unable to move in the morning after sleepless nights. My muscles would spasm and contract, pulling inward, till I was in a tight fetal position. It would take me hours (yes, I do mean hours) for me to get out of bed. Tears rolling down my cheeks. I thought I was just getting old. Though, at 24, I couldn't grasp how I could feel so worn down.
Through miracles of doctors, and science, I was tested and treated. Quite successfully, actually. No, my pain never went away, but it was tolerable. I was able to function just a little better and get help for my other health issues.
Sadly now, I can not receive the help I need to function properly. I'm back to square one with being in pain and waking up in the fetal position, and taking a couple hours to just get out of bed. It's a nightmare. It wouldn't be so bad if it were just the Fibro I was just dealing with. In fact, I wish it was only the Fibro. Alas, it is not. I have random instances where I will black-out and faint. This has to do with my bone marrow and blood. Marrow doesn't reproduce blood. Like every body, you shed and lose blood (a cut, bloody nose, etc.). A normal body replaces lost blood. My body does not. My body also does not produce and process iron. I also can not take iron or iron supplements. My white blood cells are unnaturally abundant and go on an attack and destroy mission. The only way I can combat this problem is to have blood transfusions with iron infusions directly into my blood (in an over abundance). Thanks to the UFCW, I can't have these necessary treatments, and just have to deal with the constant and random fainting this past year. I so enjoy the bumps, bruises, and embarrassment I face when it happens in public places, like when I'm grocery shopping. Thanks, assholes!
And if that's not the icing on the cake, I suffer from migraines. No, not the ones you get once or twice a month. I have one every day, every hour, every minute, from the time I wake up till I go to bed. I've had migraines since I was about 16. They got worse when I was 18. In October 2011, they started to go every day. No one has been able to help me or explain why. Not that it matters now. No insurance!
And then there is the issue of my back. I don't want to bore you, as there is a lot involved. Let's just say I'm a walking fucking medical phenomenon. I have more fractured bones, slipped discs, pinched nerves, and problems wrong in one body than someone who is 32 should have. It makes no fucking sense.
There are days I am better than others, even though I have none of my medications. Hell, I've made it a year. Yes, it has been VERY hard. I'm in no way looking for sympathy. Just trying to explain why I am the way I am. If I seem a little odd, maybe this will explain it. I don't function like others do. No one holds my hand. No one helps me. I fight for me.
Don't take it that I don't have family, my husband, or friends behind me. I do. They are always there for me. I don't go sobbing "Why me?" to them. I don't hand them my problems and expect them to fix everything. I do it myself. So, when things do not work out, I have myself to blame.
No comments:
Post a Comment